There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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