I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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