I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
