Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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