Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
