We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm at about main and main street
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
