I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
