Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
