Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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