I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im part way to drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
