If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
