both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
