Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Randomize
