Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize