I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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