I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
