everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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