On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
