u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
