so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
