I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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