did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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