Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
