I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
