you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
