I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize