If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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