oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
