Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
