i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
