no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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