the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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