I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
