Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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