Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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