gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
