Non-Jews are for practice
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
