I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BRING THE BAGELS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
