i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
