She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
