My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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