On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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