I cockslap morals
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
