He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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