I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
