we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
