its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This toilet bowl is my home.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
