Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
