He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
