I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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