But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
