if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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