I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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