i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
