apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
