I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
