Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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