when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this will be a night to untag.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
