I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
