dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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