He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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