just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
