your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
