What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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