You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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