wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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