Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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