ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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