Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
