she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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