I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
