So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
