Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
