he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
