Who wears a wallet chain?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
