She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
