R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
