Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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