I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
