I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize