ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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