Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
