Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
