remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
