I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
