I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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