I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
