glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
