Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
