1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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