I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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