i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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