Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
