guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There was a lot of him and a little penis
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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