He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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