this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
