He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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