is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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