we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
