so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize