these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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