Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
