I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
