Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
