Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
