who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
