I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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