How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
