Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
