I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
