Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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