ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
