I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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