I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
