Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
