Sry I called you an 8
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
