I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize