I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
